Some couples have been running on autopilot in their marriages for years.
It comes as such a shock for people when one of the partners put the brakes on the autopilot and wants to leave the marriage or begins to change and grow.
A marriage on autopilot loses the skills they need for a healthy relationship, but they also start losing awareness of their spouse and stop connecting with them. This not only weakens your bond but can eventually destroy your marriage.
A few signs of autopilot in a marriage include:
- Taking your partner for granted. You have the “they’ll always be there” mentality which excuses you from investing in your marriage.
- You put your partner way down the list in our priorities.
- You give/receive much less attention from your partner than in the earlier stages of your marriage.
- You can’t remember the last time you had quality time together.
- Everything just feels like routine. There is no excitement, no talk of future goals and no effort to try and delight or impress your partner.
Why do we hit autopilot?
You are just sitting back in your relationship, relaxing, and not putting in any effort because you have already met certain goals.
For example, you had the goal of getting married, you did that. You had a goal of having a child, you did that too. It’s this mentality that we’ve worked for all of these things and now that we have them, now that they’ve happened, we can just hit autopilot and sit back and watch.
Another reason is we shift our focus. In the beginning, you focused on each other and on your commitments. You wanted to find out what makes your partner laugh, what bothers them, what they like, and what they dislike – so that you can make an effort to connect with your partner. Yet somehow down the line when you get married and start feeling comfortable you start to shift your focus on something like your career, your kids, money, etc.
The moment you hit autopilot in your marriage and your focus shifts to something else is the instant your marriage becomes damaged.
What can you do to prevent this autopilot in your marriage?
- Open communication
Communication is key in a relationship. Couples that can talk openly with each other and work through problems are more likely to succeed over time. If you want your relationship to thrive, find out how open communication can help it grow stronger.
- You can laugh at and with each other.
Laughing at each other is a sign of affection, as long as there are no insults or put-downs. Laughter is also a sign that you can see things from someone else’s perspective and can keep negative emotions in check. If you laugh with and at each other, you know that boundaries are healthy in a relationship.
- You share the same values and vision for the future.
You and your partner should share goals and be on a similar page when it comes to life’s big questions: when you want to start a family, how many kids you want, and where you want to live. This shared vision makes it easier to work through challenges and sacrifices along the way. Moving forward continuing to have gaols together past the child-rearing.
- A mindset of change is extremely helpful.
Creating passion, desire and fun begins with you and creating opportunities for that. Seeing your marriage as a sense of security, feeling grounded, feeling centred, something that was built through love is crucial. To then springboard off that with your partner with all that you do say and feel to create more passion desire and fun.
- Prioritize Your Marriage
- Know That You Are NOT Exempt From Crashing
- Plan a Date Night Every Week
Turn Off Autopilot for Good
The only way to have a healthy marriage is to make sure you are receiving and pouring from the right foundation, consciously.
Make the decision to turn off autopilot in your marriage today. It may require making some sacrifices, but it will be more than worth it in the end.
I support people to CHANGE, to design their best lives and relationships.
Counselling, Coaching and online program. https://powerofchange.com.au
Check out IGNITE an online program for couples to ignite their spark in their relationship. Download the Power of Change app or click the link
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