Are you a lonely wife or husband?
If you are lonely in your marriage it’s painful and it hurts, and you wonder how you got here. What does it look like?
You are both in one place together yet you cannot connect with each other. You feel awkward and uncomfortable being in the same room together. You are not physically, mentally, or emotionally connected.
When you do connect it may be hostile, defensive, or argumentative and you start assuming things and taking things very personally. You both no longer share your feelings with each other.
How did you get here? Many reasons…
Lack of together time: You are always surrounded by your kids or other family members. Or the family is so big that there is no time to steal a few private moments with your partner. Initially, you try to create some couple’s time for you both; but if that fails, you give up.
Rare physical intimacy: When was the last time you got physically intimate with your partner? A naughty pinch or a warm kiss or a steamy night is not just for the body but for the mind too. The lesser you do that the wider is the gap between you two.
On Egg Shells: You are afraid of sharing your inner world as you are not sure of your partner’s reactions including anger, rudeness, or stonewalling.
Hectic schedule: Many divorces are due to busy schedules which creates a gap, a vacuum, and over time the gap widens.
Craving for emotional support: Your mother is seriously ill, and you are worried. However, your partner does not make an effort to ease your anxiety nor does he acknowledge the pain you are undergoing. When there is no emotional connection, there is no scope for emotional support. And when you know you will not get that from them, you prefer silence to sharing your emotions.
Loneliness is depressing, and if it’s due to your relationship with the person you love the most, then there could be no words to describe the feelings, it’s very painful.
How to Avoid Loneliness in A Marriage: Make a conscious effort to keep your marriage alive
Communication is the solution for all ills in a marriage. Talk to each other as often as possible. You do not have to search for a topic. Talk randomly and share your experiences of that day. Discuss the day’s news or converse about a topic that is of common interest to you both. Approach your spouse from their perspective. That keeps the atmosphere at home lively.
Recall good times: Watch your wedding video or look at your honeymoon photos. Talk about your courtship days and all the romantic outings you both experienced together. Recall great times you have had together. The couple that laughs together stays together!
Do small favours for each other: Is he struggling with doing the dishes? Help him do it. Is she a foodie? Prepare a delicious breakfast for her. This will make your partner look up to you. They know they can come to you for any help or with any problem. You will be their first destination in distress.
Understand their point of view: It is not always necessary to look at things your way. Your partner could have a different opinion. You may be irritated by your mother-in-law’s interference in a party that you have organised for your partner. Listening to each other and not judging is crucial.
Loneliness can be taxing both emotionally and physically and could come along with:
- Low self-esteem
- Alcoholism and drug abuse
The illnesses will have a long-lasting effect on your body unless you make a conscious effort to escape that feeling. If you are a lonely wife or husband, you need not have to continue in that state, carrying the weight of self-sympathy. Do something to set yourself free of such negative emotions.
You will not get everything you need from your partner and beginning to look at it differently can help
Change your mindset: The more you think about it, the worse you will feel. Understand that your spouse is the most important person in your life, but they are not the only people you have. Meet your parents, siblings or close friends and bond with them often. Have people around you.
Try a hobby: When you are in the phase of extreme loneliness in a marriage, start something which you always wished to do and couldn’t go ahead with it due to marital constraints. Each time you feel miserable and left out, your new hobby will remind you of the positive things in life. It will help you re-live your passions and interests.
Never say no to plans: Stop saying no to the plans your friends and family make.
Invite friends and family home: Invite your close friends or family home. A sumptuous meal, beautiful ambiance, and a bit of gossip would work as a potion for your loneliness.
Focus on your career: A career will help you maintain your calm and focus on priorities in life.
Love yourself: and you will start enjoying your company. Stop pitying or blaming yourself for your loneliness as neither will help you go forward in life.
Focus on your health: You can beat loneliness only if you are strong, both physically and mentally.
Talk to your partner: Talk to them about your loneliness. This will prompt them to share their version, their tensions, or disappointments in life. Maybe he/ she, too, is going through loneliness or is disappointed with their married life!
Loneliness is not rare. We might experience it at any stage of our life, right from childhood to the later stages. You can successfully come out of it if you make an effort.
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Tune into my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. Are you a lonely wife or husband? – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/