Clutter Hurts Marriage with Guests from Little Home Organised Podcast – Introducing sisters Bonnie Black and Lilly Goleby.
The Little Home Organised Podcast is dedicated to helping people declutter and get organised to reclaim time for the things they love. An absolute pleasure to interview these lovely ladies, here is a little part of what we talked about.
We really find with the clients that we work with, that if there’s
- a lot going on in their minds
- relationship problems
- problems at work
- health problems
This all manifests in their physical space around them creating clutter.
A cluttered desk is a cluttered mind and in a marital bedroom in particular, if you walk in and there’s a whole lot of clutter going on, you can guarantee there are some problems in the relationship too.
One of the things we talk about is if you go into a room and use 3 words to describe what you see in that room and how that room makes you feel it’s a good place to start. And then list three words that you want that room to make you feel. And that can be like a really clear demonstration of, hang on my bedroom, isn’t relaxing. It isn’t sensual. It isn’t a retreat, especially when you have young kids, you really need that place to go too.
Clutter can be symbolic of:
- low self-esteem
- lack of personal boundaries
Role of professional organisers is really a combination role where we are part:
- best friend
- part support worker
- part therapist
- part like cleaner or housekeeper
We’re really physical and hands-on in the work that we do and we provide that emotional support as we are really focused on the psychology of why are we keeping things.
What’s the trauma that we’ve experienced in our lives that’s creating attachments to stuff? And so if people come to us and they say, look, my house is overwhelming me, I can’t deal with it all. We’ll deal with the physical stuff first.
We find that by removing the physical clutter, it is just often the symptom of the deeper
- mental and
- emotional clutter
Moving the clutter allows the space for them to work through the deeper levels. It can be a really vulnerable feeling for people. And that’s why some people might get partway in the process and then Halt because they’ve hit that roadblock and not liking the discomfort. Some people are not ready to deal with that yet.
Where to begin decluttering:
- You don’t start with the sentimental stuff or the stuff you’re really attached to because decluttering is a skill and it’s a muscle.
- You need to flex and practice using those muscles on easy stuff.
- For most people we suggest starting in the kitchen, because a lot of people don’t have really sentimental or emotional attachments to cutlery and stuff like that.
- You start small and you start with something like your cutlery drawer and you go through and get rid of anything you don’t use or is old. Like, when you’ve got all the old Panadol dispensers or the baby spoons and forks, but your kids are teenagers.
- You do a little section, that’s not emotional. You have success with that and then you move on to another little section and then you just keep going until you’ve built up those muscles to be able to tackle the harder stuff.
Partner on different wavelengths?
Trying to get on the same wavelength is important so sitting down and having a conversation and identifying how you’re feeling about that particular room.
Asking What do you see when you when you look at this room?
You see value and memories and sentiment. When I look at this room, I feel anxious and weighted.
Having a conversation about how we can move forward on that and try and get both of you on the same page to begin with, or to at least expand your understanding of what the other person feels.
“We’ll actually sit down and have a family meeting and we’ll talk about what’s going on and even with the kids.”
“Kids are really honest and it’s a really humbling experience for the parents because they actually realise our clutter is not just hurting our marriage it’s hurting our kids.
So, we find that often you get the best success when you have both partners involved in the process.
If you’re ready to try and start to move in this direction, to change your habits around clutter, start small, start with something, non-sentimental, give yourself a small win, and start building up your momentum.
If you want to hear more Little Home Organised – https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/little-home-organised/id1516452461
Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. Clutter Hurts Marriage with Guests from Little Home Organised Podcast – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/