When we don’t have acceptance of our partner, it creates pain. We want our partner to be different and we want our reality to be different. Today, I am going to give you 7 ways of how to live in your marriage with acceptance.
However, sometimes there are some things that are very difficult to accept.
- If you’re living with a partner who drinks a large amount of alcohol and then becomes abusive.
- If you’re living with a partner who smokes marijuana every afternoon and just shuts down.
- If you’re living with a partner who is very disrespectful to you.
- If you’re living with a partner who is unsupportive.
- If you’re living with a partner and they’re not a team player and you’re carrying the household, organising the kids and your feeling unsupported.
- If you’re living with a partner who doesn’t communicate and then just gets angry when conflict arises.
Oprah talks about how people show you who they are, so if you are with someone who’s disrespectful, they’re showing you who they are. If you’re living with someone who’s just not interested in you, they are showing you who they are. Believe them the first time.
When I talk about living in your marriage with acceptance, I’m not saying accept that your partner gets smashed every afternoon and then abuses you, I’m not saying that it’s okay that you’re living with someone who stonewalls you on a regular basis.
When your partner is showing you who they really are, you do need to take notice of that. When we live in hope or when we live in the hope of the potential of who our partner can be, that sets us up for disappointment. Do we have control over our partner? Can we change our partner?
The place to get to is to accept your partner just as they are. However, when you are out of integrity with yourself and your own values and it’s creating pain, you then need to really question what you’re doing in your marriage. For changes to occur, remember only you can change yourself. You can’t change your partner.
You cannot change your partner and if you’re wanting them to change and they’re not, this just leaves you with resentment. It’s getting to a place of being able to accept your partner just as they are. And if you cannot, you need to question whether you stay in the marriage.
7 ways of being able to live in your marriage with acceptance.
1. Accept that people communicate love in different ways
The five love languages:
- physical touch
- acts of service
- quality time
Your partner might show their love by doing acts of service, for example, cooking a beautiful meal. Having a conversation, finding out what your love language is, how do you feel loved?
Do you feel loved when you sit down with your partner and have quality time? Do you feel loved with physical touch? Do you feel loved through words of affirmation from your partner? Do you feel loved when they give you little gifts? Communicating to your partner, what your love languages is vital.
2. Living in your marriage with acceptance
The more you love yourself, the stronger your marriage will be. Unconditional love begins with you. First, you must love yourself and give to yourself and fill your own cup. Loving yourself without any judgment, without any conditions is the absolute foundation in which you build any serious long-lasting loving connection and marriage with someone else.
3. Understanding yourself, understanding how you tick
Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and as we know, even trying to change small things about ourselves is a huge challenge. So then why would we put that onto our partner and expect them to quickly and efficiently do that? Accepting the person you married is not about changing them. If you don’t like their behaviour, the only way to have any impact is to change your responses to that behaviour because that will be a lot easier than thinking that you can change them. Putting it out onto them leaves you powerless.
4. Time out to self-reflect
If you keep constantly asking yourself, and for some people it can be years is this the right person for me? The questioning means you are not fully stepping into the relationship and each of us deserve to have a partner who is all.
5. Find reasons to be grateful and thankful
Excepting your partner by showing more gratitude. Just take a minute to think of something you are grateful for. Being grateful is one of the best ways to keep your love strong. Don’t just think it. Say it, telling your partner, I am so grateful because ……. Show your gratitude for the rest of your days.
6. Develop a deep friendship with your partner
Live every day with the intention of your partner being your best friend. Sit down as supportive friends and talk about what’s happening in your lives, in your marriage, and how you can make it better. Loving your partner without restrictions. Loving your partner is paramount to loving yourself. Live every day with a renewed appreciation for your partner and your love for your partner will deepen and strengthen.
7. You are different people in a marriage together
Judgement is hurtful. Judgement ruins everything. Listening to your partner, the enjoyment, loving the differences, growing together.
Acceptance of your partner’s point of view is being respectful and an effective communicator. Acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement.
Living in your marriage with acceptance, it is a decision. It is a choice. When we do not have acceptance, it means we live in pain and discomfort. lf you are living with a partner with things that you cannot accept, e.g. drugs, abuse you must really question, can I stay in this marriage? It is a choice.
We all deserve to live in an empowered, amazing marriage and to thrive and live in peace.
Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. There’s a new podcast each week – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/