Maintaining a happy marriage after having kids can be challenging, but it’s possible with some effort and knowledge as to what’s needed.
This is what I hear on a regular basis:
Women are feeling unseen, on eggshells and unsupported.
They’re exhausted, touched out (by kids) and not wanting sex?
Men are feeling rejected and not appreciated for providing for the family.
They’re exhausted and pulling away because their partner is not interested in sex anymore.
I’ve recognised working with hundreds of couples that this is very common and taking time to understand your feelings and the relationship is a critical step in moving out of your slump.
Is this you?
🌟Do you have a fear of the marriage ending as you are just not connecting as you used to, and the intimacy has broken down?
🌟Are you feeling a lot of resentment and you know you’re pulling away but just don’t know how to change how you feel?
🌟Do you have an expectation of how your partner should support you for example with housework and they aren’t?
In this article, you’ll identify your top 3 next steps to move you out of the slump you are both in:
- Communication is King and Queen
- Regular Check-In with your King or Queen
- Willingness to get back on your throne
Communication is King and Queen
Expressing your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements to avoid blame or accusations is so helpful. For example, say “I feel hurt when…” instead of “You always do this…”
Being able to validate your partner’s feelings and experiences, even if you don’t agree with them and letting them know that their emotions are valid and heard is so very helpful.
Regular Check-In with your King or Queen
Making it a habit to have regular check-ins with each other is crucial. Discuss how you’re feeling, what you’re noticing, and any concerns that have arisen.
Practice active listening during these check-ins is so helpful. Give your partner your full attention and empathy as they share their thoughts and feelings. Encourage them to do the same for you.
Willingness to get back on your throne
Having a mutual agreement to get back on your throne.
To explore your feelings and challenges in the relationship. Being willing to consider new perspectives and potential solutions.
Do we need a date night?
Do you need to pursue your own interests, hobbies or goals?
Having shared goals and being able to clarify your shared goals is helpful. Discuss what you hope to achieve and what success looks like for both of you.
- Never Stop Showing Appreciation
- Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for each other. Small gestures of kindness can go a long way.
- Maintain a Sense of Humour
- Don’t forget to have fun together. Laughter is a powerful bonding tool.
- Keep the Romance Alive
- Surprise each other with small gestures, like love notes or unexpected gifts.
Remember that it’s normal for a relationship to go through ups and downs, especially when children are involved. The key is to approach these challenges together, with love, respect, and a commitment to working through them as a team.
I support people to CHANGE, to design their best lives and relationships.
Counselling, Marriage Therapy and Empowerment Coaching https://powerofchange.com.au
