Marriage is one of the few things that can get more challenging over time. If you’re with someone long term, you can begin to take your marriage and your partner for granted and it can become boring.
- Are you feeling like you’re trapped, you’re stuck, you’re in a rat and your marriage has gone stale?
- Are you beginning to fantasise about being with other people or another partner?
- Are you beginning to look outside of yourself and compare your relationship with other relationships?
- Are you constantly wondering what you’re missing out on?
- Are you asking yourself if this is as good as it gets?
- Are you unmotivated, exhausted, lazy in your marriage?
The bottom line is if you’re bored, you need to do something about it. You need to act. Simply accepting that being bored is okay and normal in your marriage, I believe is a ticking time bomb to divorce. Choosing to settle for feeling bored and that it’s okay, I believe is extremely sad and it can impact your health, quality of your marriage and longevity of your marriage.
Do you really want to accept this as your life? Probably not. It’s a very common issue that comes into my counselling practice. People sit in the chair or I connect with them online and they say, I am bored. I’ve lost my Mojo. I’ve lost my spark, lost my motivation. I feel like I’m in survival. I’m not thriving.
It’s common for excitement in the early stages of a relationship and a marriage to wear off, and it’s important to notice if the time you spend with your partner seems more like a chore or a choice.
You want it to be a choice, not a chore. Deciding to make your marriage an empowered marriage is where you begin. Following are some key action steps to move the boredom in your marriage.
7 Action steps to Turn on Your Marriage
- If you currently see your marriage as boring in a rut, routine, then try to change your thinking. See it as a sense of security, feeling grounded, feeling centred, something that was built through love instead of something negative and boring. If you can change your thinking, then your feelings of boredom can also change to feelings of deeper intimacy and attachment for your partner.
- Sort through your own baggage to make yourself happy. I’ve talked about this a lot in previous podcasts and in blogs about creating your own happiness and not looking outside of yourself for your partner to make you happy. It is not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy. If you’re struggling with anxiety, with depression, with stress, face your issues, seek some support. If you’re unable to move that within yourself, seek support and see a therapist. Your happiness is your responsibility.
- Do something new together. Brainstorm what you would like to do. One of you might like to go Bushwalking and one of you might like to go to the beach, work together and do things that are completely out of the ordinary. You may do date night and you just go out to the local restaurant. Well, what if you decide to pack a picnic and go down to the water or just go for an evening walk or do a new project together? Also, think about what you used to do in the early days or things that you have talked about doing and action them. The idea is to keep your marriage interesting. The possibilities are endless. Do you go on a little getaway? Do you sleep in, have a cup of tea in bed together? If you don’t normally do that, tiny little changes can make a huge difference.
- Being spontaneous. In this 21st century, so much is ordered, planned, and just habit. There is nothing more thrilling than being spontaneous. Doing what you feel, and communication is the key. Knowing when each other are free, making it possible to surprise one another. Being spontaneous is creative. It’s fun, and no matter how busy you both are, there is always something fun that you can do. You can do together even for a brief amount of time. Begin to be creative.
- Learn something new every day. Stay up to date with what’s going on in the world. Read the news, get involved in your community. Learn new skills. If you do this, you then have discussions with your partner. You have something new. I work a lot with couples who work together. They live together, they work together, and sometimes they don’t have outside of hobbies, so they actually have nothing new to bring to the marriage. Learning something new. Just think back how much you and your partner opened up to one another when you first got together, and chances are it was one of the main ways you connected. No matter how long you’ve been together, there are new things that you can learn about your partner and look forward to uncovering these daily.
- Find ways to spice up your life. Keep the intimacy between you fresh so that you both look forward to making love and see the act as an exciting adventure together. Talk honestly with your partner about their secret desires and make your sex life more exciting. For example, maybe you’ve never shared much when it comes to how you want to be massaged, foreplay or positions. Talking openly about how you can find ways to spice up your life is crucial and once you are comfortable talking with one another, you will feel more deeply connected and satisfied.
- Life outside of your marriage. Have your own interests, hobbies and relationships. It is important both husbands and wives have their own lives outside of marriage. Spending time with people other than your partner. New goals, hobbies, interests.
All marriages can go through phases and times where they feel bored. It’s recognising that your feeling bored. It’s not projecting it onto your partner. It’s about taking ownership of what you can do differently. If you do not address this boredom, the gap between you can grow, you can become disconnected, disinterested. And when you begin to stop caring about your partner, that is not a good place to be in. So, if you’re feeling bored, start to take some action steps to change how you are feeling.
Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. There’s a new podcast each week – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/