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If you are feeling more like roommates and best friends, not lovers, then I’d encourage you to look at your relationship. The longer you leave this, the harder it is to come back from. It’s very painful if you are in this position in your marriage. Here are 8 ideas to get you started.


Go down memory lane:


I want you to go right back to when you first met.


Perhaps you’re not looking after your health:



Taking responsibility for your own health. Create some desire within yourself first and then you may feel some for your partner.


Recreating all those fun memories that were made at the beginning of your relationship.



It’s a really great way to recap the enthusiasm of those special days that were right in the beginning and to go back and actually really put some time and energy into it. You may be very surprised at as to how you feel.


Make your relationship a priority:


Take up a new activity:



It’s going to create new conversations and you may begin to see each other in a whole new light.


Get yourself in the mood throughout the day:


To have desire for your partner, you have to have that desire within yourself. Many people lose desire and you lose that fundamental connection with yourself. When you lose desire, you may have put weight on, working long hours, stressed and if you have any anxiety, you’re not going to have any desire for yourself and feelings of pleasure or any joy.


You have to recreate the connection and desire within yourself. Do you pick yourself up some lingerie? Do you have a beautiful warm bath? Start being creative. Perhaps working with a therapist to uncover the different parts of you and your sexual energy.


Breaking routine:


When you’ve got a routine, it’s the same. “We have sex on Sunday and Wednesday”. If you want to stop being room mates and best friends and you want to be lovers, breaking routine means acknowledging that we need change.


Breaking routine is really, important. And if you want to bring the spark back, breaking routine is essential. And bringing back the essence of romance. Surprise, anticipation and mystery. It’s exciting and it’s being able to bring that spark back in.


Can you be a better partner?


Putting yourself in a position to be open, to hear what your partner’s saying. It’s so easy to become defensive and what we perceived to be criticisms. But if you can reframe your partner’s words so that you hear only solutions, that can be a quick way of getting around otherwise lengthy and detailed issues which could just work to eventually bury you.


Desire is about staying open to yourself and your partner.


The mystery of that person in your life who’s living right beside you. And it’s having trust and being vulnerable. The desire to reawaken the spark in you and your relationship begins with a choice.


Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This week’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. Room mates and best friends: https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/