The shocking truth about marriage
The universal sign of being wanted, settled, and loved is marriage.
The longer the better, 15 years, 25 years, and 30 years. The cultural programming, the measure of worth lies in the other, like marriage and not from deep within yourself.
To sacrifice your identity, your want, your purpose and your needs for the sake of the marriage is common, particularly for women.
“I’ve been married 27 years!” It’s like a badge of honour and the longer the time the better. However, no one knows what’s going on inside the marriage.
Many marriages are not working, communication and intimacy have broken down. Women ask, ‘Who am I now without my child needing me?’ People are consumed by fear and unworthiness.
Many of us have been suppressed for a long time and stay in marriages that died years ago.
Here are my 4 reasons people stay in marriages that finished years ago.
- The badge of time in marriage. 10 years, 17 years, just like jail time.
- Legislation and marrying in the eyes of the law and family.
- Religion and marrying in the eyes of God and the church.
- Splitting up a family.
It’s important to recognise that you have choices and that you can make your own decisions to stay in your marriage or leave. It’s easy to feel like you are stuck and trapped, but when you become aware of the choices that you can make, you become stronger.
Ask yourself these 4 questions:
- What reasons do I have for continuing with the current situation?
- What are the benefits to me?
- Consider, what are the losses?
- Think carefully and ask yourself, what is right for me and important for me in this present moment?
Have you shared this with your partner?
To Stop minimising the hurt and pain you are feeling is important. Stop pretending that it doesn’t affect you. The ‘I’m okay’ and ‘I don’t care’ masks that you may have been wearing do not support you in the long-term.
To Stop avoiding the hurt by using tactics such as being busy, watching television, eating, drinking, or overspending.
Resentment and anger hurt you and absorbs your energy. Even if you are not consciously thinking about something regularly, you may still be hurting.
Where do I start?
Express emotion is a great place to start
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions that you are experiencing. Acknowledge that they are real and that it is okay to experience them.
- Verbalise what you are feeling directly to your partner if that is possible. Alternatively, imagine your partner is sitting in an empty chair opposite you. Tell him or her how you are feeling.
- Write a letter to your partner. You do not have to give the letter to the person.
- Express any anger in a way that does not harm you or anyone else. For example, you may find somewhere private to go in your car and scream at the top of your lungs or bash the ground with a rolled-up towel or pool noodle. This process of venting helps to move negative energy caused by anger.
- Expressing how you are feeling by writing in a journal is also extremely beneficial because it enables you to empty out your hurts and pains.
Choosing to let go of resentment in your marriage is a place to start if your marriage has died. Beginning to share is the place to start. Marriage is not a life sentence, and you have choices.
“The Power to Change is within you”
Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.
The Shocking Truth about marriage – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/
Or check out this article from my blog – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/blog/there-are-many-reasons-why-marriages-fail/