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Losing yourself in marriage and relationships is so very common. It’s so important to be self-aware and take time to know yourself. If you don’t know who you are, you won’t know what to look for or what you want out of life, or even out of your relationship.


This is what happened to me in my marriage, so I’ve had lived experience of this. It’s so important to be self-aware and take time to know yourself.


Committing to yourself means living by the values that bring you joy, and purpose and healthy relationships allow space for this.


I believe to live in peace is by living moment to moment with no judgement. Have a commitment to yourself first.



Self-Commitment to yourself for a healthy marriage looks like this:


1. Accept your own flaws and no judgement of yourself and your partner


All of us come with our own bag of flaws and issues. That’s just part of life. When we refuse to accept ourselves, it makes it hard for us to accept others.


2. You take responsibility for your actions rather than blaming, deflecting or using denial


Accountability is when you’re aware of and responsible for your actions, which means taking responsibility for them rather than blaming, deflecting or using denial. This helps you be honest about what’s working and what isn’t.


3. Your words and actions align, called integrity


When you speak with integrity, what you say aligns with how you live. You don’t show up as one person at home and another at work.


4. You trust yourself


To be able to trust someone else, you have to know who you are and what you want for yourself. Acknowledging and celebrating our strengths, weaknesses, desires, vulnerabilities, wishes and hopes allows us to move forward into healthy relationships with a partner.


5. You can listen to how others perceive you without becoming defensive


The best way to be self-aware is by noticing how others perceive you. There’s a large chance that if you notice how others perceive you, you’ll begin to understand how they may be able to see who you truly are inside.


6. You allow yourself to just Be, to chill, to work through emotions or spend time doing a passion or hobby.


It’s important to remember that you need time for yourself. You can’t spend all of your time with them and give everything you have because you will ultimately end up depleted and resentful, or lost and feeling disconnected from yourself.


7. You don’t chronically judge yourself and give yourself a hard time


When we don’t allow ourselves any space for grace and forgiveness, we can get stuck and neglect to forgive ourselves for past mistakes. The only way you can love someone else is if you learn how to love yourself first.


8. You take care of your body in nourishing ways


Examples of this include the food you put in your body, stretching, yoga, meals at home, knowing when your body needs rest etc


You can’t pour from an empty cup. You have to nourish your mind, body and spirit.


9. You are able to be light-hearted, laugh and not take yourself too seriously


Self-awareness is one of our highest human goals. To be self-aware means knowing and taking responsibility for who we are, what we’re thinking, feeling and doing – and why.


10. You speak kindly to yourself and others the majority of the time


Self-talk is a big thing. Negative self-talk can lead to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and anxiety. Positive self-talk can lead to feelings of joy, peace, and confidence.


If you have signs that this could be happening to you it’s much easier to address it early than leaving it to fix itself, because it won’t. Start with baby steps, pick something on the list and start making a change today.



Tune in to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth.


Listen to Podcast 98 – How to Not lose yourself in your marriage


Or check out this article from my blog – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/blog/how-to-find-your-purpose-without-ending-your-marriage/


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