Do you find yourself easily triggered by your partner’s actions or tone?
Perhaps he or she really did something offensive, or maybe that’s just how you perceived it.
Sometimes, you don’t even understand why you’re upset and it’s not getting easier, it’s getting harder.
Once you have moved through the bubble of love (12 to 18 months) you have gone a little deeper, trust and safety are forming, and differences begin to surface.
Triggers are letting you know you have unhealed wounds that need attention, and these triggers came from your childhood.
Deeper intimate relationships serve a deeper purpose, and they are here to teach you emotional healing and spiritual development. You learn so much more about yourself in a relationship than you could on your own.
If you are fighting with your partner and the communication has broken down you have a unique opportunity to heal relationship triggers and consciously choose different behaviour. (Instead of blaming your partner).
This process is called reparenting or inner child work. Your partner is triggering wounds in you, you have not healed from childhood. The adult in you can heal your inner child. Going back and being there for the child in you.
If you need convincing, here’s a question.
Are you behaving like an adult when you are triggered?
The answer will be No.
Ask yourself “how old am I right now”?
You will be young I am assuming.
Reparenting or Inner Child Work
Reparenting or inner child work is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child. (Not looking at your partner to give this to you)
Here are 5 Steps to Begin:
1. Breathe:
Yes, this is a step. It’s easy to become overwhelmed. Reparenting is a process. It’s not something that happens overnight. It’s not something that happens over a couple of months. If you try to do too much of this work at once, you’ll become overwhelmed and fall back into old patterns. Follow the steps, and do not try to do too much at once.
2. Keep one small promise to yourself every day:
This step should be so small that it’s seemingly insignificant. You need to choose something that sets you in a situation where you’ll succeed. For example, my first promise to myself is to wake up early. I knew with my schedule I could do this every single day. If you have a schedule that doesn’t allow for this, this is not a good choice for you. If you don’t go to the gym every day now, do not promise you’ll go to the gym every day. Some good examples are: meditating for 2 minutes, going for a 5-minute walk around the block each morning, cooking one meal at home every day, and future self-journal each night before bed. Time is important here: do not choose any promise that takes more than 10 minutes in total.
3. Tell someone you trust (other than your parents) that you’re beginning the process:
Do not share that you’re doing this work on your childhood with your parents. It’s not necessary and can be hurtful to them. Remember, they did the best they could with their level of awareness and will likely become defensive if you talk about this. Reparenting is for you.
4. Use this Mantra: “What can I give myself right now?”
This is a mantra I use often. As children, we weren’t always given what we needed. As adults, we have an opportunity to give what we need to ourselves. When you feel yourself having strong emotions, ask this question. Sometimes the answer for me is a bubble bath. Other times it’s to disconnect with social media, or a need to get into the sun for 15 minutes. It’s ok if when you begin asking this question you feel confused or like there is no answer. Just continue asking. It’s a practice of connecting with intuition. If you stay committed, you’ll begin to get answers.
5. Celebrate when you show up:
If we were not recognized, celebrated, and seen for the unique individual we are, we will quickly disregard the reality that we are showing up. Reparenting is difficult. It’s soul work. Acknowledge the courage it takes. Own your progress. Celebrate the person you’re becoming.
Listen to the Podcast on this topic – Podcast 114 – Heal Relationship Triggers
Are you ready for Relationship Coaching? Head straight to the Relationship Coaching page
I support people to CHANGE, to design their best lives and relationships.
Counselling, Coaching and online program. https://powerofchange.com.au
Check out IGNITE an online program for couples to ignite their spark in their relationship. Download the Power of Change app or click the link
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.pp3pvv44q01g.pwb1u6uqapp&pli=1
https://apps.apple.com/au/app/power-of-change/id1664333681
Want to read more about being Triggered? Try this blog article – What to do when you’re triggered
Or listen to the podcast – What to do when you’re triggered
If you’d like to read more then check out the Blog Page
