Couples who know about love languages definitely have an advantage. A crucial piece in marriage advice is understanding your love language and your partner’s love language too. When you start speaking this language the problems you may have been having will ease.
What Are Love Languages?
The idea of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, who identified five primary ways people express and receive love:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Each person has one or two dominant love languages that make them feel most loved and appreciated.
Understanding your partner’s love language isn’t just a great idea—it’s hugely important. When you understand how your partner gives and receives love, your emotional connection deepens, misunderstandings decrease, and your bond strengthens over time.
Why Love Languages Matter in Marriage
After seventeen years as a marriage therapist I’ve learnt that people express love in how they would like it received. Some great marriage advice is love how your partner would like it.
Imagine your love language is Acts of Service, so you’re always doing things for your spouse—cooking, cleaning, running errands. But their love language is Words of Affirmation. You’re missing the bullseye totally. They may still feel unloved because they’re not hearing appreciation or encouragement. The result? Both partners are giving love, but neither feels truly seen or fulfilled.
This is why turning up for each other’s love languages can be a game-changer. It shifts the focus from “Why aren’t they appreciating what I do?” to “How can I show love in a way they actually feel?”
The Five Love Languages in Action
Let’s explore each of the five love languages and how you can use them to strengthen your relationship.
1. Words of Affirmation
Have you noticed your partner lights up when you have kind words, give compliments or encouragement. This may be their primary love language. Simple expressions like “I appreciate you,” “You did a great job,” or “I love how thoughtful you are” can make a big impact.
Marriage advice: Try starting each day with a loving note or text. Verbal affirmation can melt away tension and create closeness. Tiny little changes can make a big difference.
2. Acts of Service
Empty the dishwasher, put a load of washing on or cook a delicious meal says love and support and is a popular love language.
Marriage advice: Look for opportunities to ease their burden. Even small gestures can make them feel cared for and understood.
3. Receiving Gifts
This love language isn’t about materialism—it’s about thoughtfulness. A small gift, a handwritten card, or a meaningful token shows that you’re thinking about them when you aren’t with them.
Marriage advice: Keep a list of things they mention wanting or liking. Surprise them occasionally—it doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful.
4. Quality Time
Again another popular love language and one creating time for. It’s about undistracted time together, whether it’s a walk, a coffee date, or simply sitting and talking.
Marriage advice: Put the phone away and be present. Even 15 minutes of intentional time can renew emotional connection.
5. Physical Touch
This includes more than intimacy. Holding hands, hugs, kisses, or a gentle touch on the back can all say “I love you” in this language.
Marriage advice: Make touch part of your daily routine. A warm goodbye kiss or a cuddle on the couch can build intimacy and trust. It’s not something you do for the first couple of years and leave and forget.
How to Discover Each Other’s Love Languages
One of the simplest tools in marriage advice is to take the official Love Languages quiz together. Have a look online and its also in the back of the book. But you can also learn a lot by observing:
- What do they complain about not getting?
- How do they show love to you?
- What do they request most often?
Paying attention to these clues can help you decode their love language and start making intentional shifts.
Navigating Love Language Differences
Many couples have different love languages. In fact, it’s more common than not. The key is not to change who you are, but to stretch outside your comfort zone to meet your partner’s needs.
If your love language is Quality Time but theirs is Physical Touch, you might find it unnatural to show affection frequently. But when you understand that it’s how they feel secure and loved, it becomes an act of love in itself.
Marriage advice: Think of it as learning a new skill. The more you practice speaking their love language, the more natural it becomes—and the stronger your marriage will be and more emotional connection you will have.
The Ripple Effect of Speaking Each Other’s Love Languages
When couples often speak each other’s love languages, something beautiful happens. Resentment softens. Emotional walls begin to fall. Appreciation grows. You start to feel like a team again, not just roommates or co-parents.
Many couples I work with know about love languages but on deciding to being it into their marriage there relationship softens and connection is created.
One Step at a Time
If you are feeling confused and frustrated you just have to start where you are. Micro little baby steps in the direction of care.
Marriage advice: Pick one thing today. Give a compliment. Run an errand. Hold their hand. Schedule a coffee date. That one small action, done with love, can start a wave of connection.
Final Thoughts
At its core, learning your partner’s love language is about being intentional and compassionate. It’s about listening, showing up, and making the choice to love in a way that resonates with them—not just you. Ultimately its saying yes everyday.
If you take one piece of marriage advice from this, let it be this: love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. And like any good practice, it grows with attention, patience, and care.
By understanding and speaking each other’s love languages, you can transform your relationship—one loving step at a time.
