Fall back in love with your partner: You hear those hated words, “I’m not in love with you.” Or maybe your partner thought they made it a little easier for you by saying, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” Or…maybe the things they said were blunt and hurtful. Tearing you down. Making it sound like it’s your fault that they want to leave.
It hurts. You love your partner but for whatever reason, your partner no longer wants to be with you.
You can fall back in love with your partner. To be in love with each other again can happen with WILL, WANT AND WORK.
The Process for saving and liberating Your Marriage
Dependent on many factors and especially the number of years you have been together. A couple that have been together for 5 years is going to be very different from the partner that has been together for 20 years including more baggage, wounds and perhaps a longer time of disconnection.
Begin with what you Can Control vs. Can’t Control
I always come back to what you have the power to change. Understanding what you can change either things that are not changeable or things, that if they were to change, would have to be changed by someone other than you, which is out of your control.
For example, you cannot change what your spouse feels, only they can. You can’t change what has happened, not what your spouse has done or what you have done. The past is unchangeable; it is what it is.
You cannot change your partners drinking, swearing, overtalking, biting their nails, socialising, messy hair, body odour, addiction to social media, disrespectfulness, stress, unsupportive around the house, depression and so much more……
You can change what you do NOW.
- the way you act
- the ways you react
- the way you think, and,
- with the right approach, the way you feel.
It’s an absolute MUST that you understand the difference between what you can change and what you can’t. Do not allow yourself to drift into the fantasy that you can change someone that you CANNOT change. Allowing yourself to think that you can sabotage any effort you make toward saving your marriage.
Calm versus stress
It’s normal for you to feel stress about whether you can salvage your marriage. There are other emotions with that stress. Fear, sadness, anxiety pain, anger, powerlessness, hopelessness and so many more. It’s normal but prolonged it’s negative and toxic.
Developing calmness and being grounded is one of the best and most powerful things you can do to save your marriage. Not only to come back together but to be fulfilled and in love.
The more you operate out of the negative side, the stress side…the greater the likelihood that the things you do will work against salvaging your marriage. If you let the negatives take over and rule you, those negatives will destroy any hope for this marriage.
Moving from Stress to Calm when You CAN’T Control the circumstance: Embracing Acceptance
STOP trying to control circumstances and your partner. It’s stopping because you ACCEPT that it’s something you cannot change.
When you keep trying to control the things you can’t control, it’s like butting your head against a brick wall. It hurts your head and it doesn’t do a thing to change that brick wall. And it does more than hurt you. People view you as out of control, not living within reality, and someone to avoid.
Your partner will move further and faster away from you. They get annoyed by what you’re doing and become more convinced they shouldn’t be with you.
People show you who they are, believe them the first time.
Accept what your partner feels rather than trying to argue or convince them that they don’t feel what they tell you they feel.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that things are as you wish them to be; it means that you accept it as it is even if you don’t like it.
If you did something that led…or helped lead…to this marital problem, accept that you did it and that you CAN’T go back and undo it.
Trying to change the past is an impossible task.
Rather than beating yourself up about it or continually telling your partner that you won’t ever be like that again, accept that you did it, sincerely say you’re sorry, then quit focusing on it.
Instead, focus on the future; that’s something that you can change.
If your partner did something that caused your current crisis, the same principle holds true. It happened. No one can undo it. If you want to salvage your marriage, you’re going to have to accept that it happened and quit allowing it to keep you in turmoil.
When you don’t accept reality, you stay in the stress. As long as you are there, you aren’t going to do the right things to repair your marriage.
Acceptance is the way to move from the negative to the positive…moving from stress to calm. Remember, if you stay on the negative side, the anxiety side, you’re going to continue to do things and display emotions that push your mate further away. Accepting reality as it is has been had to occur if you want to create a wonderful future. You can’t get to that wonderful future if you aren’t starting from a place that’s real.
ACCEPTANCE is to DO what needs to be done.
There are things within your control. The actions you take. The people with whom you associate. And especially things such as your own body. And, although it’s not easy, you can take control of your emotions and how they lead you to do things.
People tend to focus on the things out of their control, wishing and hoping that they can find a way to gain control. That’s too bad because that doesn’t work. What works is realising the things within your control and concentrating there.
Both accepting and acting have to be done. You ACCEPT what you cannot control, and you DO something about what you can control.
Tune into to my Empowered Marriage Podcast to learn more. This fortnight’s podcast is available now and discusses this topic in more depth. Fall back in love with your partner – https://www.powerofchange.com.au/empowered-marriage-podcast/